A Week of Ups and Downs

So many victories this week. I worked out 8 times this week, kept up with my 64 oz. of water per day, and snuck in a megaton of fruits and vegetables. I even went up in weights for 3 different exercises in my circuit regimen!
But there were really hard moments too. I’ve always been pretty confident and I look in the mirror without hyper-analyzing my looks. But it started to get to me this week that my body won’t let go of weight. While my husband and others around me experience this dramatic and self-affirming initial weight loss when they start something like this, my body says, great, what else you got?
I don’t usually step on a scale. It’s not part of my routine. But with this challenge, I started weighing myself each morning to try and see if I could drop the last 6-8 pounds I gained while pregnant with the kids. And it’s hard to say, but really, the scale has only moved down by a max of 3 or 4 pounds in the same number of months I’ve been really exercising hard. My clothes do fit better, I see my body becoming more fit, but the scale doesn’t show it. It was time to take a step back and think, should I even focus on this number at all?
I decided (yes, after a few tears) to go back to the usual me. The me that doesn’t step on a scale, but that focuses on energy, strength, flexibility (a new one for me), how my clothes fit, and doing what’s best for my heart and my cholesterol numbers. I realized that my mom showed me exactly how I want to be. She has never dieted, rarely steps on a scale, and when she snacks it’s usually fruit or popcorn. She loves to cook and it’s hard to find a vegetable she doesn’t love. She also loves baking and it’s no big deal to have a slice of something homemade with Sunday dinner. This is how I grew up, and how I want to model treating food and fitness for my kids. I want them to see the fun I have with my classes and learn how to incorporate lots of vegetables and fruits into their daily world. I don’t want them to see deprivation, frustration or me beating myself up.
There was a tough moment where I realized I needed to take a deep breath. My husband came downstairs to do our circuit training as I was finishing up working out with one of my virtual classes. I saw he was in workout clothes and started to cry. I just wanted to feel like I had done enough for the day, and maybe watch Top Chef or something? I was exhausted from being a mom and running our house, and pushing my body at every turn. I needed a moment. And I realized, that really is ok.
Week 3 will be a new kind of week for me. Hopefully one where I spend more time being proud of myself and less time doubting my hard work and whether it’s enough. Back to me, here I go!
(And PS: I’ll be doing some more heavy lifting this week, since my little girl is off her feet completely after spraining her big toe. A sedentary toddler…I have my work cut out for me.)